What Not to Do When White Water Rafting

Scream. Whoop. Laugh. Wear a life jacket. These are all things that are perfectly acceptable, and even expected, when you’re white water rafting. If you’ve been looking into a white water rafting adventure, surely you’ve come across tons of tips for what to do on a raft. But you may have yet to stumble upon a list of things you absolutely, positively should not do when you’re on a raft. Look no further:

Practice Handstands

Yes, you’re agile. Yes, you’ve been doing yoga or riding horses or walking and chewing gum at the same time successfully for years. But no, you shouldn’t put your handstand skills on display when you’re racing down the rapids on a wildly rocking raft.

See if Your iPhone is Waterproof

It’s tempting, we know. Riding high on the rapids, surrounded by gushing water and waves, seems like the opportune time to check if your new lifeproof iPhone case is really waterproof or if your brand new key fob happens to float. Unless you like damaged smartphones and lost keys – try to resist the urge.

Apply Mascara

Putting on mascara, lipstick, nail polish, or other cosmetics can be tricky enough on dry land. Try putting them on while flying down a rushing river, and you’ll end up looking like a kindergarten art project.

The same advice goes for guys – no shaving, snipping mustache hair, or performing any precise and careful grooming. The results will be anything but precise or careful.

If you have dirt on your face, feel free to wipe it off. But that should be about as far as your primping should go when you’re riding the rapids at high speed.

Give Yourself a Tattoo

Tattoo machines require electrical current, which won’t mix well with the water whooshing throughout the raft. You’re also likely to spill the ink, mess up the transfer, and bend the needle. Oh yeah, and you’ll probably do a really bad job on the tattoo.

Paint a Portrait of Your Great Uncle

Just because oil paints can be a bit easier to work with than tattoo ink doesn’t mean you should break out the canvas and paints. Any artwork that involves a spillable substance and precision is not something you want to be doing when riding the rapids. The portrait would look nothing like your uncle, and he’s likely to become upset.

Unless you’re engaging in performance art that involves the aforementioned screaming, whooping, and laughing, you’re probably better off keeping the raft an art-free zone!

Set off Fireworks

Never mind the fire hazard, or the fact that fireworks are not allowed in many Colorado communities, setting off an obnoxious series of loud and dangerous explosives are likely to scare the wildlife.

Have a Sword Fight

Whether you’ve seen it on TV or read about it during medieval studies, a sword fight may be something you’ve always wanted to try. Don’t try it on a raft. No one else on the trip is likely to have a sword on them to engage in a sword fight with you. That, and you may puncture a hole in the raft.

Eat a Big, Saucy Bowl of Spaghetti

If you ever end up hungry in the middle of a white water rafting adventure, expect to stay hungry until you’re once again on dry land. Eating and riding the rapids are not particularly compatible activities, especially if you insist on eating a big, saucy bowl of spaghetti.

As long as you remember to steer clear of these activities, you should be well on your way to having the time of your life on your white water rafting expedition. Not only that, but you’ll enjoy it all without spilling spaghetti sauce, falling sideways during a handstand, or a ending up with an embarrassing tattoo.

If these tips have prepared you to tackle the rapids, check out American Adventure Expeditions’ range of white water rafting trips for all levels!

high five with paddles

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